Swiss Christmas
2025
T’was the night before SwissMas and in every Chalet,
All the farmers, Lindt vendors, and Rolex horlogers
Fall asleep at exactly 10 PM for the night.
[Just for humor I’m using a stereotype.]
With descent into Zurich on Yodel-Odel-Dee Air,
Santa’s reindeer show up on Swiss radar with care.
Once the North-Pole passports have been Yodel-duly-oh scanned,
The entourage starts checkin’ out this grand Switzer Land.
Zurich, Bern to Luzern, the sleigh’s still flyin’ clean,
The snow is groomed crisp like a Toblerone dream:
No fake Santas with fake beards in fluffy fake snow,
No plastic wreaths hangin’, no LED show…
Just snowflakes flyin’ where Alpine winds blow.
Just a silent night with its glacier-moon glow.
Mrs. Santa’s come along with her Swiss bank account,
But she’s not gonna tell us the bottom-line amount.
Her banker elves work with their tick‑tock precision,
For this is the holiday to which they’ve been driven.
Among the German Swiss, Samichlaus is sehr functional:
He delivers each gift on Swiss time; very punctual.
But once down in Ticino, he slows his flow
While dancin’ and singin’ molto Italiano.
Over in Lausanne, il parle très bien français
Cuz’ them are the words that the French Swiss say.
And in Saint Moritz he speaks dialect Romansh,
As the words bounce off his jelly-belly paunch.
From the monks of St. Gallen to the high Matterhorn,
Many Swiss celebrate Baby Jesus was born.
Yet, still most of the populace are left in the lurch:
But maybe someday they’ll come back to church.
Yeah, it’s Yuletide on the peaks, and you can echo the beat:
The peace is so sweet, man, it just feels complete.
Let’s go deck those halls in a Helvetic vibe,
It’s a Wienachte flow that no Schwyzer can hide.
So, raise up your cuspids, let the fondue dribble,
Enjoy your joy with some Gruyère to nibble.
Drop your bars with chocolaty taste fulfilled.
Merry Christmas, world — it’s time to chill.
- Richard Hacken