STARTING A BRAND-NEW RELIGION
Upon a Mount, Jesus sermonized
And fed five thousand people loaves and fishes --
It was a miracle, everybody realized,
Because nobody had to wash the dishes.
Jesus healed the dead with ease,
But came down hard on Pharisees
And other local bureaucrats.
He never would read the Book of Acts
Or his apostles' epistles,
But wore a crown of thistles.
Pontius Pilate was the local Roman boss
While Israel kept its eye out for a savior;
But Jesus made some people cross...
So they returned the favor.
WHAT SHALL WE CALL YOUR SALAD, MR. CAESAR?
Was not an appeaser,
And even though Brutus
Was the crudest,
The majority of the senate arrived
At the idea: Caesar should get knived.
Would disgust us.
Ah, if only you saw
How he resembled Caligula.
I don't know which emperor was bloodiest...
Perhaps it was Claudius.
But the one with the biggest middle
(The one with the largest gut
And the widest butt)
Was Nero, who played his fiddle
As Rome burned
And the fires crackled.
Perhaps the fall of Rome was earned...
At any rate, its facade could not be respackled.