Sometimes I get annoyed
At Dr. Sigmund Freud
For having seen sex
Behind every reflex.

If you've ever yelled "You mother!"
At your second-oldest brother,
"Well now," Freud would say
In a gender-specific way,
"That shows malice
Toward the phallus
And a strange disgust
For the female bust."

But maybe Sigmund is not to blame
For confusing one sex with the other;
Maybe his problems first came...
About when he was unloved by his mother.


Orville and Wilbur put daily bread in their baskets
By fixing worn-out handlebar gaskets:
That is, they put money in their pockets
By greasing bicycle sprockets.
This training proved to be of noble worth
For slipping the surly bonds of earth...

Imagine, if you will, an early afternoon
With the sun glistening on a Kitty Hawk dune,
The morning dew no longer damp
Upon that wooden take-off ramp.
There is a scene of solemn mystery
With the machine about to make history:
Wilbur tests the fragile flaps
And then he checks the spark plug gaps.
Next he kisses the propellor's rotor
And brings to life the mighty motor.
Orville greases the chain with petroleum jelly,
Then mans the fuselage on his belly.
At the controls, his goggles come up
And he gives a cheery... thumbs up.

Now the seaside still is shattered
And the Brothers Wright are flattered
More and more
By the throaty engine roar
Designed to give the gift
Of flight a lift.
The biplane surges faster and faster
Then comes the world's first air disaster:
The aircraft dives, causing grief and pain.
Orville's pant-cuff got caught in the chain.



Austria-Hungary ruled the Balkan peninsula.
Its office of "Archduke" was manned
By one supposedly invincible
Franz Ferdinand.

On Ferd's visit to Sarajevo
In 1914 (imperially),
He caught a bullet just below
His spleen (arterially)
And died.
The assassin's second trophy
Was Franz Ferdinand's wife, Sophie.

Since the nasty deed had been done
By a Serbian nationalist kook,
Nations, one by one,
Lined up to praise or rebuke.
That's why boys from Delaware
Had to end up "over there."

At least that's what my history teacher said:
"World War I arose through intertwining alliances;"
But the soldiers that are dead
Have no interest in any theory
Of military sciences.


Pancho Villa,
(After raiding and burning some border towns)
Was eating a corn tortilla,
While his men took body counts.

A message arrived from Zapata
Which said: "You just gotta
Help us beat our enemy...
For, essentially,
Your life won't be worth a plugged nickel
Unless you make your attacks political.
(You can still be a thief,
But if you have a cause and a belief,
Nobody will look
Upon you as a common crook.)"

Pancho said: "Viva Zapata!
That is what I gotta
And before he was through,
He had earned the title
Of "anti-imperialist" Mexican idol.

You gotta hand it
To some political cheaters:
They know how to go from "bandits"
To "respected leaders."