Oh, the Humanities – Oh, the Hu-Woman-ities - Oh, the Arts

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Yo, the academic job means tending the flame, not raking-over-last year’s ashes,

And wisdom comes in-the-middle-of-the-game in revelatory flashes.

So, let’s refresh our-memories, yo, of college-treasuries-of-knowledge

That various of us try-to-bring-alive and-help-to-thrive on-Levels-4-and-5. 

Allow us-to-reintroduce ourselves: the elements, the specimens,

the denizens, the citizens of a department called “Humanities.”

But don’t forget the pictorial parts / and don’t-forget-the-musical parts /

no, no, no, don’t forget the arts.

We all-have-different qualities-and-quirky-personalities,

But-there’s-somethin’ within HBLL that-joins-us-into-one.

Such an extreme perk to-have-such teamwork, and no-one’s-a-complete jerk.


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Elizabeth Smart first saw-the-light-of-day one night in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho.

And I do know she-can-explain Coeur d’Alene-as-a-name and that’s-it’s-apropos.

She used to plum her-salary-funds from the-University-of-Maryland,

But now, as-you-saw, she’s living in Utah, B-Utah-Ful, BYU-tiful, Utah.

Elizabeth, our Department Chair, is the Smartest-captain-of-our-ship /

She’s digitally trained in Humanities – both-analogue-and-digital-Humanities -

Though not equipped with an Intel chip, much-preferring-to utilize-her-human brain.

She’s a speaker-of-Polish, the full knish, the whole-ish dish of Polish, ‘Cuz she went…

Soul-fishin’-on-a-mission with a Slavic sidekick-on-the-shores-of-the-Baltic.

More Elizabethean she could never be, yeah, even if she tried.

She’s Smarter today than she was yesterday, and tomorrow she’ll-be-smarter-than today.

Her clarion call: it calls us all-to-be-humanitarian, and so she is the-Humanities-Librarian.

Plus she mediates the films and news and-assorted-media-as-Media-Librarian.


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Chris Ramsey is the one who’s assigned to the Fine and the Visual arts,

To the physically visible, mystically liveable, lyrical pinnacles, yo, of-the-visual-arts.

You should see how the wheels in her head gyrate, how both her eyeballs triangulate

The physically visible, mystically liveable, lyrical pinnacles, yo, of-the-visual-arts that she curates.

So, if you like animation-illustration, icon or Nikon, iconography-or-photography,

graphic-interior-industrial design, portrait imagery or supersymmetry,

a Hindu statue of Nehru, Chelsea fashion with Milanese dispassion,

conjectural deconstruction of architectural construction, yo / Cubism, Truism /

a Van Gogh donor or Winslow Homer / Gallery 5 exhibits-that-ya-love-to visit…

If any of / This / is what you Fancy / check in with Chris-full name-is-Erbolato Ramsey.


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Robert Means uses-all-his-ways and means to gather-info-printed-or-written from-the-Island-of-Britain;

Such as Geoffrey Chaucer a non-evil Medieval rapster who bore the name Big Choss:

(Quote) So priketh hem nature in hir courages Than longen folk to goon on pilgrimages /

And specially, from every shires ende Of Engelond, to Caunterbury they wende

The holy-holy-holy-holy blisful martir for to seke, That hem hath holpen, whan that they were seke.   (unquote)    

More recently than the late-and-great-14th century, more recently-on every-Friday-noon

Robert provides-a-fine-way-to-commune with the English reading series;

Plus he helps-us-to-get-our-acquisition-hooks into English-language books and journals with kernels-of-wisdom

and database data that are gathered in systems

For studying the language plus the literary cheer and drear of Shakespeare, Dickens & Keats & Donne.  

And thanks to him, from way-across-the-pond the wandering New-World words of

Hemingway and Kerouac and Margaret Atwood in-books-and-adjectival particles and archival articles

yo, yo, yo, here they come.

One of Robert’s expertises is when he teases out a thesis-with-ease, don’t ya know it,



Speakin’ of trenches and officers sittin’ on-military-benches,

Exactly 100 years 2 days and 3.1416 hours ago, the Great War-performed its final show.

On 11-11-1918, at 11:11am (thank heaven), World War One was vanishingly through.

Then it was time for the Spanish Flu.


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Mary Chapman gets the task done: she’s effortlessly dexterous at Humanities Reference,  

And constructively, productively generous as Instruction Specialist.

She undertakes-a-daily-commute as she scouts and scoots the routes and roots between-the-Help-Desks on Levels 5 and 4.

Something that the students are grateful for. Cuz…

Mary Chapman / knows the facts from / A to Zed, yo, she keep’s-em-in-her-head.

We can relax when / Mary Chapman / has our back, man / she’s the-exact-one-to trust.

Her wanderlust for travel yonder just / serves as a reward; she-loves-to-travel towards the Fjords.

Or eat Sushi on Mount Fuji: She’s not that choosy.

A survey array of-her-DNA displays her wayfaring ways:

Born in California, which holds-back-the-Pacific, she soon moved blissfully-to-Italy, bold and terrific,

Living happily in Napoli and then / moving-from-the-mezzogiorno up to Livorno.

She’s half-Japanese cuz Kyoto sure ain’t London,

And she’s also half-Irish cuz… her wisdom’s always Dublin.

                   (Your appreciation has been shown – we thank you for the groan.)


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Myrna Layton helps discerning patrons who want-to-feel-the-vibe of the Dance and Music Libe,

So-if-you-care-to-see-performance BlueRay DVD / or hear some Verdi / streaming concerti,

If you’re not quite sure what is a Bratschenpartitur; if the term to you seems just a little bit obscure,

If you ain’t been taught’a / how to hold for a fermata / inside of a cantata / exactly as you oughta /,

If you wonder what is a demi-plié / in the local ballet / but you really can’t say,  

Hey, you gots to learn, so don’t be hesitatin’: get in touch right now with Myrna Layton.


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Now in-this-coming-stanza, it stands-uh to reason,


Fashions have-not-changed-that-much, remaining archetypal,

But “Humanities Department Assistant Disciple” may-be-the new title-of Amy Seipel.

Yeah, she’s a newcomer, cool as a cucumber, sporting a number of talented traits.

But wait: Why is she so unencumbered, so calm and collected?

It has to be connected with the fact that’s she’s Floridian, probably half amphibian,

Having-spent-so-many postmeridian days at the beach.

Or we could explain-it-yet-another-way:  

She lives up to her name, and every-single-day her mai-den name is / “Holladay.”


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Gail King is-held-in-very-high-esteem. She seems-to-be flawlessly modest.  

She’s not authoritarian, not a contrarian; for all I know, she may be a vegetarian.  

She never leaves anybody in the lurch, she-plays-the-organ-Sunday-morning in the Catholic Church.

But did you know she-has-full control over half of the world’s population? Boom!

That requires a small explanation or perhaps an explun-Asian:

Gail is the area studies specialist-for-Central-and-Eastern-Asia, so don’t let it faze ya’:

Also, she squeezes / Indonesia in / and marsupialia from Australia,

And from-the-wide-Pacific, she orders specific / terrific / info sources

And teaches courses and quietly but tirelessly serves international societies.

She retires next year, so the time-is-drawing-near for you to ask her about

India, Pakistan, Myanmar, Afghanistan, Guam, Samoa, Thailand, Nepal and Bhutan,

Cambodia, Malaysia, Bangladesh, Tonga, Vietnam, China, Korea and Japan.

So ask about ‘em while you – m- hmm - still can.


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It’s Matt Hill who often says “Yo, Yo / I-have-a-text-to-show / from Mexico.”

Cause Mexico was once New Spain, a colony-by-golly of the older Spain,

The one on-which-the-plains-of-Spain do mainly receive / de rain.

Be advised, it was Mexico that colonized the Philippines by less-than-thrilling means,

So now / Matt Hill can spill-the-beans / about what-went-on in the Philippines.

Looking forward, we know-that-he-orders books from foreigners around the corner & across the border.

As a smooth as satin/native-speaker-of-Latin / He orders esoterica from Latin America

And external journal serial materials straight from Iberia, warmer-than-Siberia.

Did-I-forget-to-mention Portugal? (Tone?) If so, well, that’s just horrible.


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Richard Hacken was born half-Swiss in New Helvetia. Look-it-up if you have amnesia.

The cantons of Switzerland that he likes best-as-a-geneological-genetical-explorer…

In-approximate alphabetical-order are / are/ are/ are/

Aargau and Appenzell to Basel and Bern / yeah, Fribourg, Genève, to Glarus and Luzern,

Neuchâtel, St. Gallen to Solothurn, Ticino / Vaud, Valais, and Zurich.

That is where these / ancestors ate Gruyère cheese / and started-on-their-emigration-journey.

He loves his Transylvanian Hungarian wife, who worked here at the libe for part of her life.

Then one day she finally said, “Okay / that will do.”

Richard or Dick also gets a kick out-of-area-studies-like Gail and Matt do,

With the best plebeian buddies in Western-European-Studies.

He’s the wikimaster of EuroDocs, a normal formal portal to an unbroken excess of open access primary fragmentary ancillary

integral digital affordable portable informative historical chronicle documents -pp- online. It’s simpler to just say “EuroDocs.”

Now when Hacken’s body crashes in-its-final-swoon,

He would like his ashes-to-be-strewn

Just the-other-side-of-Panguitch / but only because it nearly-rhymes-with “language.”


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In summation: to finish-the-oration describing our Stanislavsky motivation

(aside: with presumptive, manipulative rhetoric):

We don’t-want-to-end-up simply-having-visited-the-earth as-armchair-auditors.

(Big Breath) no, no, no,

We want to become & Beatle-Beatle be & feel & squeal & walk & skip & run & laugh & play & celebrate life & softly sculpt with a

butter knife.

We want to speak with a voice & hear real noise and dare to do & Dooby Dooby Do the daring-do & make mistakes &

apologize & remake ourselves & see & give & receive & love.

We want to drink from-a-cup and lap it up & hear & cheer & sing & dance & travel to France & teach & learn & grow.

We want to paint & draw & usually obey the law & smell & taste & eat sweet potatoes & pray & fast & stay & play-with-a-toy &

find real joy & fight the forces of negativity to become the humanest beings we/can/be.

Dick Hacken