I Am the Very Model of a Bibli-Specialographer - by Richard Hacken

I am the very model of a Bibli-Specialographer,
I liaise if you pliaise with the poly- or monographer,
Assisting students fidgety who seek their knowledge digitty,
As well as those who look in books both softly spined and rigidy;
I'm very well acquainted too with persons professorial,
I get them what they want, a task at times phantasmagorial;
In narrow disciplines I point to articles and bulletins,
Instructing while deducting all misleading or subjective spins...

I'm very good at reverential, deferential reference
Although selecting titles is my rightful place and preference;
In short, I alternate between deciduous and conifer:
I am the very model of a Bibli-Specialographer.

I could be called a curator, I once cured beef all jerkily,
Which fits my job description only enigmatic-murkily;
I could be called a specialist, for I've made lists of specialties
And annotated them and even called them bibliographies;
I choose between the news that comes on paper or on microfiche
And then connect and do collect resources for each micro-niche;
Decisions that I make, you know, are as a pro selectively,
And thus I'm a selector of such subjects most subjectively.

I'm able to spell acronyms with letters near identical,
Confusing persons both professorishal and studentical:
In short, in matters that require a stereotypeographer,
I am the very model of a Bibli-Specialographer.

In fact, when I know what is meant by "strategy" and "management",
When I can tell at sight what is acceptance versus banishment,
When such affairs as teaching and committees are agreed upon,
And when I know precisely the short phrase, "official liaison,"
When I have learnt the metadata for our incunabula,
When I know words Ukrainian describing a parabola:
In short, when knowledge is delivered to me most caesarean,
Well then, I will be what folks call an actual Librarian---

I'm very good at reverential, deferential reference
Although selecting titles is my rightful place and preference;
In short, I alternate between deciduous and conifer:
I am the very model of a Bibli-Specialographer.

- Gilbert and Sullivan and Richard Hacken

...with penance to be performed at Penzance

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