News of the Future

Dick:And now for the News of the Future:The year is 2044, and the presidential candidates are Esperanza Bush, granddaughter of Jeb Bush, and Billy Bob Gore, the great grandnephew of Tipper and Al.

John:With five Bush presidencies in the last 40 years, the country has been Bushed for decades, but the question is: will we be Gored once again?

(someone hands Dick a sheet of paper):

Dick:But now this late-breaking news just in!The Chinese Extremely Foreign Minister Chao-Chao Ming-Sing is appearing before the UN Security Council to support Resolution 14141 stating that the United States are not fully cooperating with efforts to weed out Weapons ofMass Destruction located in the State of Utah. Bathtubs full of radioactive Green Jell-O are suspected to be hidden in the skyscrapers of downtown Pleasant Grove.

John:Chao-Chao links the American regime to Christian fundamentalist terrorists.And so, Chinese troops, by themselves if necessary, will make a preemptive attack. Meanwhile, the French delegate had this to say:

Dick: Okay, so mebbí Utah is danzherous place, but.. zut alors, by the power of the champagne in us vested, we shall sock it to the veto of zis resolution...

John:According to reports, the German delegate had this to say:

Dick:Nein, nein, mit einem Angriff an Utah wollen wir nichts zu tun haben... but duh only vay vitch ve kann schtop ziss Chinese cowboy is to veto dis Resolution. Jawohl, Resolution verboten!

John:Meanwhile the Russian delegate said to reporters:

Dick:I thyink we should gyive yinspectors more time to do their jobe; they are doing good and magnyificent jobe with Jello Geiger Counters in Utah County.No need to be rushing our pipples into war.

John:And so it looks like the air power of China will be joined by that of only Bulgaria and... the Democratic Republic of Iraq.

Dick:Whoa... what goes around, comes around.

John:You bet your sweet bippy!And what's the moral of the story, Dick?

Dick:John, the moral of the story is:"Don't leave your leftover Jell-O unattended at any time; don't leave it in places where criminals can get their hands on it."

Richard Hacken