"Here come da judge, Here come da judge!"

Dick:What brings you to my criminal courtroom today?

John:Two policemen.

Dick:Drunk as usual?

John:Yes, both of them.

Dick:All of your responses today must be oral, okay?

John:Okay.

Dick:What is your name?

John:Oral.

Dick:Now, when the police came up to you, were their blue and red lights flashing?

John:Yes, they were.

Dick:And what did you say as you were escorted into the police car?

John:I looked at the lights and said:"What disco am I at?"

Dick: Is your appearance here this day pursuant to a deposition that I sent to your attorney?

John: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Dick:What is your date of birth?

John:July 15^th

Dick: Which year?

John:Every year.

Dick:And you have three children, correct?

John:Yes, your honor.

Dick:How many are boys?

John:Actually, none of them are boys.

Dick:Do you have any girls?

John:Yes, three.

Dick:Now the location of the alleged burglary was at Milepost 187 on Highway 6.Can you tell me where milepost 187 is?

John:Probably right between mileposts 186 and 188.

Dick:Sir, what is your IQ?

John:Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Dick:Now, is it true that a picture was taken of you just as you left the house of the alleged burglary?

John:That is correct.

Dick:And were you present when the picture was taken?

John:Yes, your honor, but I was in front of the camera.

Dick:Now the stairs you took to the alleged burglary went up to the second floor, right?

John:That is precisely correct.

Dick:And did those stairs come back down again?

John:Well, for me at least they did.

Dick:And why were you in that location at that time?

John:Well, if it had been a different time, or a different location, chances are good I would not have been there.

Dick:As judge of this court, I find you "not guilty" of burglary.

John:Does that mean I get to keep the stuff?