"Here come da judge, Here come da judge!"
Dick:What brings you to my criminal courtroom today?
Dick:Drunk as usual?
John:Yes, both of them.
Dick:All of your responses today must be oral, okay?
Dick:What is your name?
Dick:Now, when the police came up to you, were their blue and red lights flashing?
John:Yes, they were.
Dick:And what did you say as you were escorted into the police car?
John:I looked at the lights and said:"What disco am I at?"
Dick: Is your appearance here this day pursuant to a deposition that I sent to your attorney?
John: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Dick:What is your date of birth?
Dick: Which year?
Dick:And you have three children, correct?
John:Yes, your honor.
Dick:How many are boys?
John:Actually, none of them are boys.
Dick:Do you have any girls?
Dick:Now the location of the alleged burglary was at Milepost 187 on Highway 6.Can you tell me where milepost 187 is?
John:Probably right between mileposts 186 and 188.
Dick:Sir, what is your IQ?
John:Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
Dick:Now, is it true that a picture was taken of you just as you left the house of the alleged burglary?
John:That is correct.
Dick:And were you present when the picture was taken?
John:Yes, your honor, but I was in front of the camera.
Dick:Now the stairs you took to the alleged burglary went up to the second floor, right?
John:That is precisely correct.
Dick:And did those stairs come back down again?
John:Well, for me at least they did.
Dick:And why were you in that location at that time?
John:Well, if it had been a different time, or a different location, chances are good I would not have been there.
Dick:As judge of this court, I find you "not guilty" of burglary.
John:Does that mean I get to keep the stuff?