Misappropriating
Family Names
In
Not-So-Solemn Song
On
Grandview Hill
[To
the tune of "Chatanoogie Shoe Shine Boy:"]
Listen, while I tell you ‘bout
some folks I know.
They live in the neighborhood
that we love so.
It may sound silly, but it's
quite alright
To be a little bit wacky on a
Saturday night,
Have
you...
Walked with the Walkers and woven with the
Weavers,
Or
swum with the Salmons a mile or two?
Have you taxed the Richs or paid
the Paytons,
And
grown up with the Groos?
Have you been hawked with the
Hawkers, hacked with the
Or
mixed with the Mixes too?
Have YOU got a fund to fill the
Lundquists' well
Or
shelled out for the Shelleys so they wouldn't tell?
You tried to con the Conrads and
you made them yell?
No
more peering at the Pearsons.
You left your mark upon the
And finally solved the Riddle well.
[To
the tune of "This Old House:"]
Have you tried to make the
Youngs even younger than they are?
Have you e-mailed the Malans and
called the Calls before?
Have you made the Madsens mad,
the Sadowskis quite sad,
Have
you yanked the Cordner's cord?
[spoken:"I'd say that
was pretty baaaad!"]
Now we'll double-check the
Gornichecs and promptly crown the Kings;
Have you steamboated with the
And
kept stock of the Stockings?
Have you made the Ayaviris weary
and the
Have you spent the Buckners' buck,
And
to the Schneiders you've been schnide?
[To
the tune of "The Bare Necessities:"]
Have you been [pause to
syncopate] robbin' the Hoods and freakin' the Eakins?
Discounting
all the Prices for life? [Oh, no]
I said, take knowledge from the
Colledges and face up to the Facers,
Don't
break the Glasses' glasses in the strife.
It's the
Be "goot" to the Gutzmans; be
friend, not foe!
Please don't seal off the
dancing Seeleys or cast out the Castellis,
But
keep an even Keele where'er you go.
Ohhh....
[To
the tune of "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious:"]
Have you nicked the Nickersons
and then unbent the Broadbents?
Been
bossy to the Boscos?
If
so, you best repen-ent.
Have you tamed the Wildes and treated
Fairbornes fair?
Controlled the Gunns, chopped
down the Woods,
While
hunting for the Bairs?
Most of all we ask of you your
kind forgiving nature
For quite abusing what you call
"familial nomenclature,"
In truth we wish to thank you
and honor your good name;
But if we didn't sing of you, we
love you just the same,
Yes,
if we didn't sing of you, we love... you... just... the... same!
Lyrics
by
Musical
Arrangements by Ethel Hood – March 2003
