WHO PUT THIS CHIAROSCURO ON MY WALL?
Rembrandt left his artistic mark
With brush-strokes using light and dark.
He was no fool,
This master of the Dutch Boy's school:
He started work after artsy work,
And then he let some apprenticed jerk
Finish the fun that he'd begun.
Now, was it swell-headed
For him to take credit
For what someone else had finished?
The largest of his paintings was called The Night Watch,
Until a conservator cleaned off the dust and the grease
From one little swatch,
And said: "Please,
After cleaning this one little splotch,
I suggest we rename this particular study The Day Watch."
As for paintings in some fancy museum
(For that's where you usually see them),
If you ask the guard if you may touch
A painting, the guard will say: "You can't!
It's a Rembrandt!
It'll get you in Dutch!"
WHAT SHALL WE DO WITH THIS FIG, MR. NEWTON?
Isaac Newton, who now is dead,
Once had an apple fall on his head
While he was sitting under a tree.
"Aha!," he said, "That's gravity."
Now if you believe what some teachers teach,
It actually happened with a peach.
Newton made a noisy fuss
About starting the study of calculus...
And later refracted the total light spectrum
Off the surface of a guinea pig's rectum.
With raucous praise and adoration,
I give Newtonian validation:
A stable isotope of oxygen I just breathed
Contains a particle which I believe
I shall name in honor of that physicist long gone:
Within my lung there floats... an Isaac Neutron!
(Next time you drink some vino,
Watch for an Isaac Neutrino...)