IS MOTHER RUSSIA'S FIRST NAME "CATHY?"
Of Catherine the Russian
Must include, I insist,
The size of her iron fist.
With Count Grigory about
(With whom she was luvvy-duvvy),
She usurped the throne from her hubby
(Who was murdered and Petered out).
Even if that was rude and mean,
That still made HER the queen.
She grabbed land, the imperialist rascal,
From the Baltics to Alaska.
She made every nondescript serf
Cultivate cabbage upon HER turf.
She could be brutal
And fiscally feudal.
To show her class, Catherine corresponded
With Voltaire (and also responded
To lovers with whom she would mate).
Probably, Catherine was called "The Great"
By someone who used to undress her.
She was succeeded by her son, Paul the Lesser.
WHY IS YOUR BOAT SO STEAMED UP?
Robert Fulton was giving
Steamboat rides for a living:
A decent price for the trip, a fair jaunt
Down the Hudson on the ship "Clermont."
On the other hand,
You've probably never heard
Of Billy Bob Barnes III.
Years before Fulton
His navigational charts,
Billy Bob had attempted the arts
Of building a steamboat
That could do more than float.
Billy Bob was no esteemed professor,
So all he could try was more steam pressure
'Til he got the boat a shade over forty...
And thereby voided his safety warranty.
It would have been a silly job
To search for Billy Bob,
Of whom there was no clue nor trace
After the boat blew up in his face.
A PHENOMENOLOGY OF GRIND...
It's now been proven that Hegel
Discovered dialectics while eating a bagel.
"The crispy outer crust of rye,"
Said he, "Must form the thesis.
And if you bake, not fry,
The chewy middle with no greases,
That becomes the antithesis.
The procedure most efficient is
To put it between your teeth
So that the doughy wreath
Is broken into pieces
To become a brand-new thesis."
Hegel, so goes the rumor,
Had a very rye sense of humor.