ALL I WANT IS MY RIGHTFUL POT OF GOLD...
Was one of those who says:
"Not everyone can adore
(Actually he said it in Spanish,
Then he tried to make the Indians vanish.)
I really don't know
Why he wanted to conquer Mexico,
But I've been told
He went for the gold.
Cortez believed that the Aztecs
(Whose country he was sullyin')
Would gladly hand over their paychecks
To him in 24-carat bullion.
Some Aztecs did think him to be Quetzlcoatl, the god,
Though they must have also found it odd
That a deity
Would steal with such spontaneity.
Montezuma was scarcely able to avenge
The deeds of this clepto,
But for turistas without Pepto,
He still has his Bismol revenge.
HENRY SKIPS OUT ON ALIMONY
What woman would want a date
With Henry No. VIII?
The date might lead to the altar,
From altar to boudoir,
And then, should her wife skills falter
To less than "superstar"...
(Should she become rusty
At the art of being lusty),
Her to the dungeon.
There he might stretch her on the rack
Until she got her loving nature back.
Yes, he might allow his flower
To wilt inside the Tower.
If your name were Aragon,
He might simply say "So long."
If your name were Ann Boleyn,
He might plan to do you in.
If your name were Jane,
You might die of labor pain.
If your name were Anne of Cleves,
You'd be gone with next fall's leaves.
If your name were Katherine # 2,
The ravens would soon be gatherin' you,
Because the ultimate wife abuse
Is turning your wife's cranium loose.